The "Positive Symptoms of Schizophrenia"... The facts

Good Tuesday to all... Today's discussion is about the "positive symptoms" of schizophrenia.  The term positive does not mean that they are "good" symptoms, it is just the term that is used to decifer between the positive (most dramatic, easiest to see, and the ones thjat usually get the most attention), and the negative (cognitive issues, lack of motivation, etc) symptoms. 
The positive symptoms are the ones most close to psychosis or actual psychotic symptoms.  Meaning, symptoms that make a person out of touch with reality.  Generally speaking, this is a somewhat temporary state, as there usually some type of intervention when this occurs (such as hospitalization, medication treatment, etc).  Symptoms include delusions, hallucinations, distorted thinking, extreme paranoia in some cases, distorted perception and the like. 
Medications, specifically, anti-psychotic medications, such as Geodon, Seroquel, Risperidone, and many others, are used to control the positive symptoms associated with schizophrenia. 
Symptoms may appear slowly over time, or may show up suddenly and intensely, depending on the person and their particular situation. 
Hallucinations: false sensory perceptions.  These can be frightening, dramatic, and may affect all of the senses. 
Auditory hallucinations, which are hallucinations regarding sound. Common auditory hallucinations are hearing voices, and other sounds.  I have had many tell me of hearing different sounds, such as car doors slamming, doors slamming, music, train sounds, animal sounds, among many others.
Visual hallucinations are hallucinations of sight.  Seeing something that is not actually there.  In my own experience, I have had these (as well as auditory) hallucinations, and they included "seeing" ghosts, the "devil", robed individuals, among other things.  Sometimes the visions that are seen by those who are afflicted with schizophrenia are of some special meaning to them (this can go for auditory hallucinations as well). 
Olfactory hallucinations are hallucinations that affect the sense of smell.  A person afflicted with schizophrenia may experience this type of hallucination, smelling odors that do not exist, ranging from foods, to foul odors, and many others. If others are present, they do not smell these odors, as this is specific to the hallucination of the person afflicted.
Tactile Hallucinations are hallucinations in which the person experiences the presence of or touch of others or some thing, when there is actually no one there.  ( Commonly, those who have co-existing disorders of schizophrenia and drug abuse feel things such as bugs crawling upon them). 
The most common type of hallucination is the AUDITORY hallucination.  Many begin as whispers, then become more clear, and become more understandable to the person experiencing the hallucination.  By far, the auditory hallucinations can be the most frightening, in my opinion, as with my experience, hearing voices "telling you" what to do, how to act, etc., is very frightening.  They can be paralyzing, and one with severe hallucinations of this kind, can easily surround their existence around what the "voices" are telling them to do or how to be.  Often times, the voices are threatening, demanding, and accusatory.  Known as "command hallucinations", these voices seem very real to the person experiencing them, as if the "person(voice)" is really there, telling them whatever it is they say to them.  Often times, when a person is experiencing this type of hallucination, they will seem to be "in their own world" because they are caught up in the contant badgering of the voices.  For some, these voices are persistent, for others, they may come and go intermittenly, depending on the person.
Stress and stressful situations may cause a worsening of auditory hallucinations, or they can become more intense for no apparent reason at all. Anti-psychotic medications tends to decrease or eliminate these voices entirely, or at the very least, reduces the concern and fear of them in the individual. 
Delusions:  Delusions are beliefs that are false, however, the person with schizophrenia, believes this to be true.  Regardless of the evidence or explanation, the schizophrenic will not change their belief, and will continue to inssist that this delusion is real. Often, the schizophrenic experiencing a delusion  believes that someone or a group of people are "after" them, or want to hurt or even control them.  Paranoid delusions are delusions that are coupled with feelings of suspiciousness (paranoia).  Often, this suspiciousness is most prevalent when the person with schizophrenia is around others, for instance, at a grocery store, and the schizophrenic with paranoia believes others are looking at them and talking about them, maybe even "plotting" against them.
Other delusions may involve a sense of unlimited power that the individual feels. They may believe that they have abilities that other human beings do not possess....these are "delusions of grandeur", and they are often associated with religious beliefs (such as believing he/she is Jesus Christ or some other religious figure).
Often times, all of these, the hallucinations (auditory, visual, etc) and delusions seemingly work together to "prove" to the person afflicted that what he/she believes is true.
It is recommended not to confront the person who is in this state.  It often times will worsen the situation.  It may prove wise to just not confirm these beliefs.  Psychotic thinking, the result of a brain disorder and neurologial issue, is not something to try to make sense of, as there is no point in doing so.  The best thing to do if you or someone you love or know is experiencing this disturbed type of thinking, is to get them psychological/psychiatric help. 
Disorganized Thinking: Affects speech and or writing.  A schizophrenic may not be able to carry on an organized conversation.  Typically, the person afflicted will jump from one topic to another, often with the topics being unrelated to one another; say words/make up words that do not exist (called NEOLOGISMS); Continuously repeat words and/or thoughts; bounce around from one word to another that sound similar but have no relation to one another.  (On a personal note, this positive symptom can be very frustrating, not only for the person(s) involved in the conversation, but for the schizophrenic themselves, especially when he/she is at the point in their treatment where they recognize that they do this.  I understand this very well). 
These are the basic "Positive Symptoms" associated with schizophrenia.  Further discussion on how to cope with these symptoms and issues will be discussed in later blogs.  I hope this brings an understanding to the symptomology of the positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

College Time??? This is not as easy as is sounds.....

Okay, so it  is college time, and for a person like myself, this is a very difficult issue.  Being schizophrenic, I have found that, especially for the first few weeks, college is a major overload.  Ths first issue, as with any situation, is being around lots of people and because of my paranoia, I am highly sensitive in this situation.  Today was registration issue day, meaning that if you needed to drop or add a class, had to register for a class, and so on, this was the day one does it.  Well, needless to say, the entire area was packed full of students, some with their small children, some with their spouses or friends, just an enormous amount of people. MAJOR overload.  I waited 2 hours in line, to do this drop/add registration.  On top of all of this, then there is the line for the college bookstore.  Another two hours of waiting, surrounded by people.  I began to panic to a large degree and just absolutely had to get out of there.  However, I waited, seemingly endlessly, to do these tasks.  Not to mention, that I also had major symptom flare-ups.  People staring at me, I started to get stressed.  Constant chatter, disgruntled people, irritated at this long wait, compalining, I mean complaining....(you see, schizophrenia has also affected some of my cognitive skills, so I will type some words incorrectly...it is not bad typing skills, it is my brain...still trying to figure that part of this illness out)...I was not comfortable.  I also was stressing out over taking my medicine, worrying if I took too many classes, Pell Grant Issues, I mean, I have had some morning/day.  For me, as soon as I got out of the building, books in tow, I got into my car, (yes, I do drive) and I found myself just staring forward, in an almost catatonic state.  It took me a few minutes to regain my composure.  Familiarize myself with my comfortable car surroundings, and happy to be going HOME.  Now, not everyone that as schizophrenia experiences these types of issues, however, many also cannot even go to school.  I, being unable to work, have decided that I do need to, continue my education.  Though, it is very, very hard to do.   I mean, HARD.  I had to drop several classes last semester, so I am on "academic probation, Pell Grant" status, meaning, in order for me to continue to receive my pell grant, I have to take a full-load of courses. Twelve credits. Yikes!  Okay, okay, so you may be thinking: but you are home, disabled, and should have realtive ease with this task.  Well, the fact is, that no, this is not the case.  I have cognitive impairments, memory issues, symptom flare-ups, stress management issues, anxiety, paranoia that is at roller-coaster levels, not to mention, a touch of OCD (obsessive-complusive disorder)(though not fully diagnosed as such), ADHD (attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder), and a mayriad of personal issues going on, of which are hard enough to live with on a dialy basis.  Now, that being said, all of these symptoms or issues do not necessarily occur at the same time, though, much of the time, this is the case, especially when under duress, such as was the case today at college.  Well, I am hopeful that I will make it with passing grades this semester (I say this because, I used to have a 4.0 average... then that dropped, not only due to my paranoid schizophrenia and other assorted disorders, but that was the main factor in the drop of my GPA (grade point average)), so I am now seeking passing grades.  Being a perfectionist type personality on top of all of the above, I had to accept and realize that the fact is I may not be able to continue to make such a high GPA.  This was upsetting to my self-esteem, and to my psyche.  I am not being negative, I do look forward with intention to succeed with high grades, but I also have to be realistic.  I have learned that my memory has been directly inpacted by this illness. My cognitive skills have been directly affected as well.  My ability to concentrate for long periods of time have been affected.  My time management has also been affected because one cannot gauge when symptoms will flare-up and to what degree, among other things.  I am sincere when I say that I have been affected in ways by my paranoid schizophrenia that to date, I still am amazed by.  My illness is not an excuse to allow failure, nor is it an excuse to not try.  Trying, I am doing.  And it is, well, trying.  I am sure many of you out there who have been living with schizophrenia, or maybe have just recently been diagnosed, can relate to some or all of this that I have said.  This mental illness is by far the most difficult illness I have ever had to come to terms with, and the hardest part, is accepting that I will be a paranoid schizophrenic for the rest of my (hopefully wonderful and fulfilling) life.  It is a life long illness, except for the very, very few, and this acceptance is what makes me able to push the envelope, so to speak, and reach out and take college courses.  I believe it is necessary to exercise the mind as much as possible, and am hopeful this will help my cognitive impairments, or at least help me to be able to learn and use new and already being used coping skills.  I will keep you posted as to my progress, good and/or bad, and will continue to write this blog daily, because I feel it is important for all to understand this mental illness.  I am happy to note, that MOST of my classes are online, as the local community college offers some classes online, and for me this is ideal.  It allows me to work at my own pace, I do not have to deal with the issue of social phobia and paranoia related to going to the actual college, yet I will be there for a few hours a week, which will maybe give me the opportunity to learm how to handle these symptoms and issues.  It also gives me the ability to possibly re-learn how to socialize, even if it is just "hello", and I am very hopeful my paranoia will not overtake me....So, I am happy that most of this semester will be done online.  I have much less stress this way, and still I am able to get a taste of college life on campus.  Should I have any major issues this semester, I am sure you will hear about it, and if I have any major breakthroughs you will hear about this also.  I hope that this has been informative, empowering, and has given realistic expectations for those who live with schizophrenia.  Some of you may be far ahead of me, some may be far behind, some may be just beginning to understand life with schizophrenia.  As always, I am open to all questions, suggestions, and comments.  Thank you for reading this today, I know it has been quite long, however, I hope you enjoyed this and/or got something out of this today.  Until tomorrow- Remember: Take it s l o w, be kind to yourself, allow yourself some room for new things, manage your symptoms the best you can, and above all, love yourself NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Coping with "Negative Symptoms" of Schizophrenia

Negative symptoms are symptoms of schizophrenia, such as lack of desire for activities that you enjoyed at one time, feeling tired, eye to eye contact, difficulty in conversating, cognitive impairments, plus several other symptoms. 
Some ways to cope with these negative symptoms are as follows, depending on the symptom:
Going for a bike ride.
Have friends and relatives slowly start coming over.
Think about a subject so that the mind will tend not to wander off in another direction.
Accept help from others, especially family members.
Perform concentation techniques (discussed later).
Seek out internet support groups.
If experiencing low or loss of motivation, make  a list of 5 activities or so, that you will be able to do on your free time.  Place this somewhere yo uwill se it, such as a refrigerator.  When you have nothing to do, look over the list and choose an activity to participate in. Some suggestions are: playing a musical instrument, writing, researching, calling a friend, etc.
Make sure you have structure in your day and life.
Do something pleasurable every weekend.
Daily exercise, beginning with about ten minutes a day.
Shower daily, make use of deodorant, brushing teeth, wearing clean clothes daily, etc.
Practicing looking at people when you are talking to them.  Ask family or close friends to let you know when you are not making eye contact when speaking with someone.
If you are tired much of the time, speak to your psychiatrist, as a medication adjustment may be needed.
Make yourself get out of bed, a good thing to do, which i do, is place the alarm clock away from the bed, forcing you to get out of bed.  Then, please don't get back into bed!!!
Practice listening to others.  Practicing repeating they say to you will help keep a conversation going.  It may be difficult at first, but it will help keep the conversation flowing.
If possible, sign up for a college class, at your local comunity college, possibly a continuing education class or two, if you can afford to do so.
Try to read every day, this will also increase your concentration level and ability.
If you have social fears or phobias, have your local community support provider, shjould you have one, or a close family member or friend, take you to the local bookstore or somewhere small, to start with.
Talk to others that have schizophrenia, discuss symptoms, and possible ways to manage them.  Others often provide great techniques and suggestions that have worked for them.
Listen to music, watch a good film, such as The Universe, or something that will also help you learn new things.  Take these opportunities to fine tune your learning abilities and increase your retention.
There are thousands more options, techniques, and the like, and I will be discussing them further, but for now, take time to absorb these suggestions, and begin to practice a few of them.   especially the taking of a shower or bath daily and wearing clean clothes, and doing one thing every day, an activity that will hold your attention.

January 2nd, 2010! A new year and Loads of new info on the way!!!!!

Well, it is a new year, and I am so glad to be in 2010.  I have a lot in store for you all, more information about schizophrenia, how to survive it, my personal isuues, as well as research being done in the field of mental illness, specifically, schizophrenia.  I took the day off yesterday, as I took time to reflect on what i would be accomplishing this coming year, also dealing with some issues of stress that are up and coming, and I will share this all with you as time goes on.  I hope that you are all safe, healthy, and getting better every day!  It is no easy task when it comes to the issue of schizophrenia, and I plan to tackle each issue one by one this year, right here, on They Schizophrenia Daily.... I hope you will continue to read this, as I really want you all to get the most out of what is said here.  Considering that this mental illness is so compelling in many ways, so misunderstood in many ways, and also so very tragic in some cases, I have a big task ahead of me, however, I am ready to take on the challenge.  I want to thank you for reading this blog, as I appreciate all of you who are taking time to read this, hopefully every day.  I will be happy to answer any questions, or listen to any concerns, as I have a lot of information and compassion and passion concerning this issue, and mental illness and wellness in general.   I wish everyone a safe and bountiful new year and also aim for wellness.  Thank you again and I will see you  tomorrow- Erica

New Years Eve.... We celebrate in our own way...well, most of us do!

SO, Today is the big day...well, the BIG NIGHT, actually...New Years\'s Eve!  2010 is right around the corner, actually, at the time I am writing this, Australia is 1 hour and 45 miinutes away from the BIG MOMENT.  Here in the earstern United States, we are 17 hours and 14 minutes away from 2010!  Either way, all around the world, celebrations abound for this grand event that has become customary in most countries all around the world.  Parties, alcohol, dancing, music, hats, and horn-blowers.... all of the things that go along with this big night.  For those of us with schizophrenia, however, this night can be overwhelming...Not because it will be 2010 (although for some it may be), but because many of us living with this illness do not take part in these festivities.  Believe me, there are many of us who wish we could, and many of us who are lonely at this time.  Why?  Well, for starters, generally speaking, many of us with schizophrenia have a hard time with crowds and parties. Not only that, many of us have a hard time finding friends in the first place, and many do not want to, or are just plain unable to. Social phobias are a BIG deal when it comes to schizophrenia for many people.  Anxieties run high, memories may flood in of the year (especially if someone has had a particularly difficult year), alcohol is not something that is advisable when on medication, and, well, many of us do not want to leave our homes.  Obviously, not every schizophrenic has this/these issues, however, the general consensus I have received from fellow schizophrenics is, "I am staying home tonight".  This is how I feel.  For starters, I do not want to go into a crowded place by myself, subjected to an abundance of alcohol, and the noise...well, I just can't take the noise level.  Not to mention I was not invited anywhere, though if I were, I would not be attending, and would kindly decline the invitation. No, for me, I will be ringing in the New Year most likely at 5 or 6 a.m., 2010. I usually do not sleep later than 9p.m., occasionally a little later, but because of the routine I have set for myself and need to properly function, I require this much needed sleep, not to mention that the medication tends to make me sleepy.  regardless of this fact, New Year's Eve to me is difficult because previous to becoming stuck with schizophrenia, I used to love this night.  Getting all dressed up, going out to a function, or a bar, possibly a house party.  I enjoyed stying up late, mingling with folks, and just having a "good time".  Nowadays, it is quite different for me. I stay at home, have missed the famous New York City "Ball -Dropping" for several years now, and, well basically, I am set to my routine and get nervous even thinking of deviating from it.  Maybe this year, I will be able to see the ball drop, but it will be in my living room, with my mother, who lives with me.  My father is out of town for the grand event, as he still loves the "Big Night".  For me, however, I am happy to have my cup of coffee, decaffeinated of course, well, maybe I will have some caffeine tonight....woohoo! I will be happy to be reading, watching something on the science channel, or even an old movie.  I am sure I will try to catch some of the festivities on television, should I make it that long.  Point being, New Year's Eve is just different for me, and yes, I am happy to start off a new year, and also hope my progress continues as it has been this 2009.  As I reflect, mildly, on the past year, I am thankful for my stability, my treatment plan, and my continuing progress living wioth schizophrenia.  Tonight, I will be so happy to know, I am at home, doors locked, and without the pressure to socialize, as this is difficult at best for me.  I hope that as you share in this night of renewal, you keep in mind that living with schizophrenia does not stop because of holidays.  If you feel more comfortable at home, then do so. Do not put yourself in a situation that can increase symptoms, create stress or harm.  If you happen to be lonely, remember, you are not the only one who feels lonely at this time of the year, and although it is not easy, it WILL be okay.  Tomorrow will be 2010, Jan.1st , and we should all be thankful to be here on this great mother Earth, and grateful we are living.  Schizophrenic or not, I wish all a safe, happy, healthy, prosperous, hospital-free year and may all of your dreams come true in this new year. If you do drink, DO NOT drive. If you drive, DO NOT drink. And most of all, have a great NEW YEAR!!!!!!

The Difference Between Schizophrenia and Psychosis...and types of Schizophrenia

Hello everyone. Today I will be discussing the difference between Schizophrenia and Psychosis.  I am explaining this via the excellent resource: "Diagnosis Schizophrenia": A Comprehensice Resource, which is an excellent place to find out about schizophrenia,as well as hear others feelings about their bout with schizophrenia. 
O.K. So, the difference between schizophrenia and psychosis is this: Schzophrenia is a type of psychosis, whereas Psychosis is a general term to describe psychotic symptoms. 
Psychotic symptoms include: confusion; inability to think clearly; rapid thoughts that are hard to follow; inability to pay attention or concentrate; disorganized behavior; hallucinations (hearing voices, smelling certain odors that are not actually present, absence of stimuli); extreme fear caused by a strong belief that you and your life in in imminent danger, though reasoning behind this belief is not found...and several more symptyoms as well. 
Several disorders of the brain can lead to the presence of psychotic symptoms. Some include strokes, tumors, illegal drug use, and infections.  People who are elderly may develop psychosis who have dementia. Those afflicted with BiPolar Disorder may also become psychotic.
Many psychiatric disorders, such as schizophrenia, may display the same symptoms, and include these psychotic symptoms.
Types of Schizophrenia include:
- Paranoid type (which is the type I have been diagnosed and live with), which display frequent audiotory or one or more delusions.
- Disorganized type, which displays disorganized speech and behavior, and flat, inappropriate affect.
- Catatonic type, which displays extreme motor immobility; purposeless, excessive motor activity; inappropriate pghysical postures; and repeating words or behaviors. ( Now, I will say that I also display(ed) some of these symptoms or sihnals as well, especially the repeated words, behaviors, as well as excessive motor activity.  However, my paranoid type symptoms and behaviors are/were more prominent, there fore the diagnosis of PS).
- Undifferentiated type, which meets the general category of schizophrenia but does not fall into any of the other types (many people may fall into this category, in my opinion, based on what I have learned in talking to others afflicted with schizophrenia).
- Residual type, in which, one or more episodes of schizophrenia have occurred in the past, however, the current illness is essentially negative symptoms and mild positive symptoms. (I want to comment on this type: after being on medication, many will seem to fall into this category, as the medication (anti-psychotics, etc) begins to work, the negative symptoms still seem to occur, as well as bouts with mild positive symptoms.  However, the diagnosis you receive is when you are not on medication, and you have that type of schizophrenia, however, after medication, time, and therapy, you may find youself feeling you belong to this category, however, were you to stop (which is like suicide) taking your meds, you would end up back in your original category of diagnosis).
There is also Schizophreniform Disorder.  Meets all the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, except for duration of the symptoms is displayed. (DS:ACR). This means if the symptoms have been displayed over one month, yet less than six months, then this diagnosis is generally made. Should the symptoms last longer than a period of six months, then the diagnosis of schizophrenia is made.
There is also SchizoAffective Disorder. This can be a difficult diagnosis to determine. The person must meet all of the criteria for schizophrenia and have significant mood symptoms. ( I am very familiar with this diagnosis, as my son has been diagnosed with this disorder).  Also, the fact that the psychotic sysmptoms are not caused by the mood symptoms also must be determined.  Careful history is taken here.
Tomorrow, I will discuss, among other things, schizophrenia versus mood disorders, such as BiPolar disorders. 
On a personal note, I have had a medication change. Yesterday, I began my new medicine, as I also have a co-diagnosis of ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and working with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) diagnosis possibility as well.  The med change was for ADHD.  I will be discussing in my other blog on blogspot, http://www.mentalillnessawareness.blogspot.com/ the differences between ADHD/ADD and the medications Adderall and Ritalin, as well as the non-stimulant, yet generally less effective, medication.  So, I experienced some schizophrenia symptoms, as the medication seems to assist in quelling some of my negative as well as positive symptoms of my paranoid schizophrenia.  I am today feeling better, as I know I did not blog yesterday due to several things, but am finding this new med working well. If you need to contact me about schizophrenia, please feel free to do so...my email is listed on here!!!! Til tomorrow-

Schizophrenia Treatment - The Basics

Okay... So we have schizophrenia.  Now what??? What is the treatment? Is there a cure?  How can we cope with this?...
When people experience first-episode schizophrenia, (as well as schizo-effective disorder) there is a high response to medication treatment.  Most get substantially better with this treatment, while others have at least some improvement. 
Most people are treated via hospitalization for the first time.  Though it may be an unpleasant experience, it is a sfe place to be.  Generally, the psychiatrists will interview you to get a clear picture of your symptoms.  Then comes the medication.  Since there are side-effects associated with most all medications for schizophrenia, this is usually monitored closely.  This is so the doctors can adjust as necessary.  It generally takes some time for the symptoms to be controlled adequately.  Once you are feeling better and the psychiatrist feels it is time, you will be discharged.  Hospitalization treatment length varies from person to person. 
Once you are discharged, you have the option, which is highly recommended, to join a day program.  This gives you treatment as an outpatient.  These programs assist you in resuming your life.  You will also need to have a psychiatrist, especially for medication management and continuation.  Some hospitals may assign you a case manager, who is someone that will assist you with any problems you may have after discharge, including assistance with disability options, living arrangements, etc.
Once you leave the day program, you need to continue to see your psychiatrist, and also a therapist in many cases, however, this will be less frequent than when in the day program.
Most people experience some improvement within a couple of weeks upon the start of medication treatment.  Just give the treatment time to work and do not get discouraged if it takes some time.
The medications for the treatment of schizophrenia are called anti-psychotics, and are not addictive.  These medications assist in balancing the chemicals in the brain that are causing symptoms.  There is no cure for schizophrenia at this time.
Much research is being done at a rapid rate on schizophrenia and finding a cure.  Approximately 1% of the world's population lives with schizophrenia.  It is a serious mental illness, and should never be taken lightly.  As time goes on, many people who get proper treatment, follow through with their personalized therapy program, and continue medication, feel better and better, as well as more in control of their illness.

*Some of this information was compiled from the following resource: "Diagnosis Schizophrenia: A Comprehensive Resource",by Rachel Miller and Susan E. Mason.  My thanks go out to you for such a wonderful book.  If you are interested in purchasing this book, the cost is $21.95USD

Dreaming and Schizophrenia

Hello all... I wanted to talk about dreaming when it comes to schizophrenia.... I don;'t know about "regular" dreamers out there, but it seems to me that dreaming while living with schizophrenia is an interesting thing.  I say thi because last night I had a dream, within a dream, within a dream.  and it all had to do with when I was in psychosis.  It was like reliving the psychosis all over again.  But I was dreaming, aware I was dreaming, and in my awareness of my dresm, the dream I was in I was also aware that I was in a dream .  A ream, within a dream, within a dream.  Anyway, my point is, when a person has schizophrenia, sleep is important, as for others as well, as it is the time when the brain sorts itself out, discards useless information, and organizes.  When you do not get enough sleep, or are under stress and anxiety, like many with schizophrenia are, you begin to seee signs of symptoms recurring.  That being said , back to dreaming.  I was re-living some of the issues I experienced while in psychosis, and I was aware that I was dreaming this, and I was "watching" myself in psychosis, and it was scary.  I was sure that It was a dream, as I must have been half awake, and I also got very little sleep, so I was having issues in the night.  You see, I have come to learn that at certain times of the night, my brain, in particular, goes through a particular process.  There is the organizing process, then the, what I call, the "reel" process, which is this never ending continuous tape recorded like part of my brain that repeats things over and over again.  So I have come to learn that my brain is almost like a circular rainbow.  Each layer does something different, simultaneously.  I know, I know, this all sound confusing, and in later posts, I will try to explain them in better detail.  But for now, what I am getting at, is during sleep, these "rings" of my brain are processing all sorts of information, and I hear songs from out of nowhere, then I hear a commercial maybe, or just a word here or there, etc.  I DO NOT hear these things during the daytime, except for the continuous"reel" of music, which in my mind there is always a song playing, and it could be anything.  So I have like a personal MP3 player in my head, expcept that sometimes it is the same song over and over again, which can be annoying. However, sleeping with schizophrenia is essential for all of the brain processes to function, as I believe we need more organization than that of a "normal" brain.  Dreaming, also helps us to organize, analyze, understand, and more, our thoughts, deepest feelings, fears, etc., and also I am certainthat dreaming bring out issues and feelings we do not experience in our daily awakened schizophrenia life.  This may be due to the fact that the issues are too frightening so we avoid them, it could be medication, I am unsure, as i am still researching this topic.  Reagrdless, just know that sleep, and dreaming are essential for especially the schizophrenic brain.  I will post more on this issue.

Back to business as usual???

Well, I hope you all had a nice holiday..... Overall my holiday was nice, however, I feel it is now "back to business" time...Meaning that it is back to doing what I normally do.  Because I am disabled by my mental illness,I have come to find that writing is a great coping mechanism and therapy for me.  I had a great night's sleep, for a change, and now I am just eager to get the house cleaned up and also eager to continue to disucss schizophrenia.  I received a few books over this season, concerning mental health and wellness and am eager to share what I learn from them.  On a sad note, I have had to cut back to two classes this semester, as I am trying to go to college, however, due to my illness, I have been unable to keep up with the demands and the social aspect of college.  I am 37, however, it is not my age slowing me down, it is my illness.  I have realized that my cognitive issues that surround schizophrenia have really hit me hard.  I am unable to have a "regular" job, due to multiple factors surrounding my illness.  Therefore, I have resorted to writing as part of my therapy, as it is an ongoing issue.  Coping.  This is a big part of my life.  I will, this coming year, be going into greater detail about therapies, coping skills and the like.  But for now, I am just focusing on the illness itself.  It is debilitating, for so many of us.  You see, people look at us on the outside, and say "you look fine to me" and things such as this, however, the truth is, on the inside we are not "fine" much of the time.  Socially, I have had many issues.  I am continuously at the psychiatrist's or in therapy, or with my community service provider, working through this illness.  Now, with the new laws that are being put into place, there is a chance I will lose my community support that I am so desparately in need of.  Of course, there are other options available, but what works for me, is being changed, so I am having to cope with that issue.  I am hopeful that everything will work out okay, because I have found that community support therapy helps me quite a bit.  Also, the disability services available at the local college help as well.  I will go into more details later on, however, I am just thankful that I am doing well with my medication and am able to continue to write.  I hope this will continue.  As the New Year approaches, I have decided not to make any resolutions, because I am already doing what I can.  Considering I have other associated disorders as well, it is best not to put undue pressure on myself with resolutions, etc.  Regardless of that, I am back to writing, and I am happy about that.  I will be talking about mood swings, emotional issues, cognitive issues and much more to come in the near future.  For all of those living with schizophrenia, as I am, just remember you are not alone. 

Christmas Day 2009..... Been up since 3:00a.m.

Hello.... It is Christmas morning, and the weather is not so cold today.  I know because I had to run out at 3:30a.m. to go to Walgreen's for a last minute gift...and last minute stress.  You see, I was not planning on having guests come over on this day.  I need to know that in advance, because it causes me anxiety. High Anxiety.  Regardless, one of my dad's friends is coming over for Christmas Dinner.  Yes, and I have to cook it.  O.K. So, now I definitely have to make things prepared right.  Not so easy when you have schizophrenia.  I say this because now I am in charge of making sure that everyone eats a proper dinner.  I was/am not prepared for this.  I know, it is only one extra person, right?  Well, it is still difficult to deal with.  Conversating, cooking, being sociable.... wow, a lot to deal with, for me, at least.  So, I have all the food for the dinner.  I have the gift for the guest.  I also have a total mess in my home, as we began to celebrate last night.  Wrapping paper, gifts, overwhelming.  My mother, is ill and cannot do what she used to.  My father is...well, he's not a cook, nor a cleaner.   Hence, I am "in charge".... This is going to be fun...So, I am doing the best I can to cope with the situation...I know Christmas is a wonderful day of family and friends, food, and great gifts. But, for a person with schizophrenia, like myself, it is overwhelming.  I have been coping well, though, considering my situation.  Thank goodness it is only one extra person.  I hope that things go well.  I will do my best to have things go correctly, but I need time for myself.  I am not very sociable face to face with people who tend to stress me.  I also was planning on not having to get all dressed up and socialize.  However, such is the situation.  So, I will handle it.  I know I can.  It is very sad, because before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I used to LOVE to make big dinners, have get togethers, but after the onset of the illness, all of that changed.  Now, I may not feel the symptoms right at this moment, but I will feel the effects later.  I know because I went through this last year.  However, I do not want to bring everyone down, on this joyous day for so many, so I will just say Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, may all of you who live with schizophrenia "survive" this holiday season, and remember, if you are feeling depressed, lonely, or overwhelmed this day or this season, just know that it will be okay.  If I can make it through this, you can too!

Dec.24th... Christmas Eve.... Symptom Flare-ups abound!

Greetings all, and Happy Holidays to all of those who are celebrating..... Well, it is the day before Christmas... Last minute shopping, dinner preparations, family visits....it can be hectic.  At this time of the year, I tend to have symptom flare-ups.  My anxiety abounds and I have been stressed over preparations for the family.  I have also had some relationship issues, which added to my anxiety levels...You know, family stuff.  Often times, family members and others do not understand what life is like having Paranoid Schizophrenia, or other mental disorders for that matter, and do not realize the internal stress and anxiety that appears in those afflicted with these illnesses.  This can cause great stress, especially around the holiday season, because often times, our emotions are not on the same level as those who are family or friends, who are not afflicted with this illness or others.  That is when I hear the "just be happy", "smile a little bit", and there is a tendency for family to get annoyed that I don't seem happy and jovial.  One of the symptoms if schizophrenia is blunting of emotions, so though we may really feel happy about something, we do not necessarily show it, or express it, and sometimes we don't feel those emotions.  This is difficult to deal with.  As a person with schizophrenia, I can tell you that this causes great distress for me, and also, old memories seem to resurface, making it even more complicated.  That is why I keep it simple.  I do not attend holiday parties, nor do I have masses of people over for the holidays.  It is too much for me.  I need to have consistency, order, and a routine.  anything that breaks this routine makes it difficult for me to process, and I am often misunderstood.  I am sure other schizophrenic's can relate to this.  With all of that being said, I am hopeful for a calm, stress-free holiday season.  I am making sure I contiinue using my coping skills, and always have my councelor's number handy incase I have a stressful situation.  Also, I have made sure that my family understands, or at least is aware, that I have soome issues during this time.  I am looking upward, of course, not focusing on the negative's, not focusing on the stress, and managing my anxiety.  I wish everyone a happy holiday season. 

Wednesday, the day before Christmas Eve..... Hectic as Heck!

Hello all... Today is the day that everyone will be out shopping i am sure.  Yesterday, I experienced some symptoms that were almost unbearable.....Anxiety up the gazoo, and I was just stressed out.  I Had to go out for a last minute item, and was overwhelmed with the crowds.  I do not do well in crowds.  They stress me to say the least.  However, I ended up at Barnes and Noble Booksellers and found a new book on schizophrenia (I think I own them all now), however, it is called Diagnosis Schizophrenia, A Comprehensive Resource, by Rachel Miller and Susan E. Mason.   I perused the book, and I found it quite interesting because it discusses the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, not just the hallucinations, delusions, etc., all the symptoms that are experienced with schizophrenia, however, little is written on how to handle the negative symptoms: the lack of interest, apathy, and the like.  Also, ANXIETY.  I think this will be a great read, some personal accounts as well as how those people cope with these effects.  I am excited to read this new book.  I am endlessly searching for comprehensivebooks on schizophrnia and its effects, as well as literature on the brain  mechanisms and what happens to the brain when someone is afflicted with mental illness..... So, I suggest you go out and get this one.... Otherwise, just waiting patiently for the holiday to come and go, I am looking forward to being with my parents this holiday season, but am missing a few people, they know who they are!  Anyway, I am feeling rather good today, considering yesterday's overwhelming bout with anxiety, panic attacks, and overall stress.  I am convinced that the holidays do enhance symptoms, especially the negative ones, at least for me.  I also bought the book, Awaken The Giant Within, By Anthony Robbins (I just love Anthony Robbins), as I have the CD sets of his, but wanted it on paper...Greta motivational and inspirational way to motivate yourself and understand your emotions.  I recommend Lessons In Mastery as well.  Until tomorrow, take care everyone, and relax, don't rush, try not to stress, and just enjoy the holiday season, no matter what or how you celebrate them!

Yule was great yesterday..... However......

Well, today is Tuesday, the day after Yule (Winter Solstice) and I had a small celebration for the holiday.  It was nice, but not what I was hoping it would be.  Because of my paranoid schizophrenia, I suffer from soome cognitive isssues, as well as some other issues, as far as concentration and things like that (very similar to ADHD, of which I was previously diagnosed...now I wonder if it was early signs of my schizophrenia...) so I had a hard time with some of the rituals and things that I was doing.  However, next year will be better I am sure.  I am sure that there are many of you who have schizophrenia that suffer from some of these same symptoms, such as memory issues, lack of interest, lack of concentration at times, etc.  These are all "normal" symptoms and part and parcel of having schizophrenia.  I had a conversation with a very nice woman, who also has schizophrenia, paranoid type.  She and I talked about how we look through the blinds, lock the doors, and just the general stresses of having paranoia.  She was happy to not be alone in this feeling.  So am I, though I wish this illness on no one, it is nice to be able to share in the same feelings, understanding one another perfectly.
In  my day to day life, I come across many people living with schizophrenia.  Thatis because I make an effort to reach out to those living with mental illness.  It is rewarding.  I am happy that I am able to give people comfort as they cope with this diagnosis of schizophrenia.  Those of us who have had this illness for some time can understand that feeling when you first begin to live with the illness.  There is a great need to reach out to others for support, though many do not because of either fear, or they just are plain nervous to reach out.
Support is one of the most important aspects of the "recovery" process of living with schizophrenia, as it is a life-long illness.  For many, especially in the beginning, this is a real blow.  That is why it is so important to reach out or accept when someone is reaching out to you for support.  Living with the illness is not easy, for some it is nearly impossible, and yet for others it is not so bad.  There are many support groups available online, and also there are many around the world, depending on where you live. Some more populous places will have more support groups, but it is up to us to seek them out. NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has support(peer to peer) groups, in just about every area of the United States.  Check their website, http://www.nami.org/, for your local state, city, and chapter.  There are also other groups available as well, you just have to do a little research.  This may be difficult if you are experiencing symptoms that are very prevalent, so ask someone close to you for assistance.
It is vital to have the support of your family, should you have the luxury of having a family, and it is also vital that they are educated about schizophrenia.  I hope everyone reading this has at least one family member who is of great support. 
I also want to extend out my hand to those who are in need of support...please contact me if you need support, want to talk, or have any questions regarding schizophrenia.  Please contact ebohn72@yahoo.com if you have any questions or comments.  Also, please visit me on Facebook, and join the groups: Schizophrenia Online Connection and Listen To Me!.... Thank you for your continued support, and please keep reading!!!

Well, it is the Monday before Christmas, and it is also Yule....

Greetings everyone. Today is Monday, that hectic day, and even more hectic as the holidays approach us.  It is Yule, that wonderous holiday that I celebrate, the Winter Solstice.  The celebration of the rebirth of the Sun, the longest night of the year, Introspection, and Planning for the future.... I am Wiccan so this is a big day for me.  I read in my horoscope that my optimism will return today, so I am happy to note that it is correct.  I am having a great morning, low anxiety, and high hopes for the new year.  All of this aside, I want to touch on something.  As a Paranoid schizophrenic, the holidays can be a time of great stress, especially in my case, as I have had a=some horrible times in mental hospitals, around the holiday season.  I also was in psychosis one year, and that was a devistating experience for my family, who tried to get me involved in their festivities, however, I was too far gone.  I have come to respect my schizophrenia, yes, respect it.  It is something that is quite difficult to live with, and memories can also trigger symptoms and bring on that oh so wonderful depression.  I am happy to announce this season I so far have had little trouble with memories of past issues, though they do creep up on me from time to time.  Thank goodness for Geodon, the medication I take for my schizophrenia.  Also, thank goodness for other meds, but most of all, thank goodness for learning positive coping skills.  Without that, I would be in constant fear and agony.  I would like to take this time to recommend some book I have found of great value to me, some are schizophrenia specific, some are just about the brain, how to use cognitive therapy, and the like.  So, Blessed Be all, Happy Yule to all of my fellow Yule friends around the world, and Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates. I did not include, but did not forget Kwaanza, the Athiests, and all others.  I wish EVERYONE around the world a happy Winter Season.  Here are the books:
**Cognitive Therapy and The Emotional Disorders, by Aaron T. Beck
**The Anxiety Book, Developing strength in the Face of Fear, by Jonathan Davidson, M.D. (very good)
**Brain Rules, by John Medina
**Schizophrenia For Dummies (I know I know, I don't usually read these books, but there is some quite useful information within its pages)
**Surviving Schizophrenia, A Manual for Families, Patients, and Providers, by E. Fuller Torrey, M.D.
**New Developments in the Biology of Mental Disorders, by The Research & Education Association
**The Center Cannot Hold, by Elyn R Saks ( a personal account)
**Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman, M.D. ( this one is about general trauma from domestic violence to polkitical terror)
       This is a very, very small compilation of books to begin with, there are many more.  I have also realized that there is a great deal of insight in the DSM IV, the Diagnostic Manual that doctors use to diagnose patients, however, it is quite pricey ( between $95.00-over one hunderd dollars) , but is worth having on the shelf.
Until tomorrow, Erica

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....Yes, it's Sunday

  Hello all.. It is a freezing cold Sunday morning here in the Carolinas.  My paranoia is not at a high level this morning, which is a GOOD thing.  I came across a good question this morning.... How do you handle paranoia?  Well, there are many ways to try to get a grasp on paranoia.  First of all, paranoia is a very stressful emotion and feeling.  It is no fun being paranoid. Those of you who struggle with paranoia can relate, I am sure.   Constant worry about someone or something being "out to get you", wondering "who is that driving by", "why is everyone staring at me"..... all of these things swirling around in your brain.  There are also physical symptoms that happen, rapid heartbeat, tremors, sweating, and more.  When this happens, we think to ourselves, "how can I handle this?  why won't this feeling go away?" or, if you are having extreme paranoia, thoughts are more like "the phone is tapped", "the FBI is watching me", " I know that everyone is after me"......How stressful!  It can be crippling.  Some of us will not leave our homes, answer the phone, even avoid family and friends.  Alll because of paranoia.  Some of the best ways to handle paranoia, aside from medication, is to step outside your home, answer the phone, use positive self talk.  Ask yourself, " why would everyone be staring at ME?"....there is no reason, because everyone is not staring at you.  Analyzing rationally your thoughts can help you go a long way.  This is all easier than it sounds, believe me.  When I was in psychosis, there was no way to convince me that people were not after me, staring at me, the announcers on the radio were talking directly to me, even the television.... the newscasters were talking to me, about me.... I was Paranoid.  But, it was so real.  NO, this was really happening, I would say to myself.... Oh my god, please stop talking about me..... Have you ever felt or feel this way?  It is very stressful.  It is scary.  It consumes your thoughts, and it diminishes your trust in everyone and everything.  Time to seek help.... Well, it took a long time, a lot of therapy, and a lot of support and of course, medication.  Several hospitalizations were also required to get me to realize all of this was my Paranoid Schizophrenia.  I have been living with this for several years now, and thankfully, at this point, do not have those really paranoid thoughts anymore.  Sure, sometimes I feel that people are staring at me, or talking about me, but I am able now to just brush it off, most of the time.  Besides, what is so exciting about me that they would be talking about?  They don't know I am schizophrenic.  They don't even know me.  And yes, people do look at one another, it is natural.  Otherwise, everyone would be looking at the ground all the time.  So, if you are also experiencing or have experienced Paranoia, you can understand what I am saying here.  Just remember, tell yourself,  I knowI have an illness, I know I am paranoid, and I know that this is just part of my illness.  I am safe, I am secure, I am okay.