Christmas Day 2009..... Been up since 3:00a.m.

Hello.... It is Christmas morning, and the weather is not so cold today.  I know because I had to run out at 3:30a.m. to go to Walgreen's for a last minute gift...and last minute stress.  You see, I was not planning on having guests come over on this day.  I need to know that in advance, because it causes me anxiety. High Anxiety.  Regardless, one of my dad's friends is coming over for Christmas Dinner.  Yes, and I have to cook it.  O.K. So, now I definitely have to make things prepared right.  Not so easy when you have schizophrenia.  I say this because now I am in charge of making sure that everyone eats a proper dinner.  I was/am not prepared for this.  I know, it is only one extra person, right?  Well, it is still difficult to deal with.  Conversating, cooking, being sociable.... wow, a lot to deal with, for me, at least.  So, I have all the food for the dinner.  I have the gift for the guest.  I also have a total mess in my home, as we began to celebrate last night.  Wrapping paper, gifts, overwhelming.  My mother, is ill and cannot do what she used to.  My father is...well, he's not a cook, nor a cleaner.   Hence, I am "in charge".... This is going to be fun...So, I am doing the best I can to cope with the situation...I know Christmas is a wonderful day of family and friends, food, and great gifts. But, for a person with schizophrenia, like myself, it is overwhelming.  I have been coping well, though, considering my situation.  Thank goodness it is only one extra person.  I hope that things go well.  I will do my best to have things go correctly, but I need time for myself.  I am not very sociable face to face with people who tend to stress me.  I also was planning on not having to get all dressed up and socialize.  However, such is the situation.  So, I will handle it.  I know I can.  It is very sad, because before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I used to LOVE to make big dinners, have get togethers, but after the onset of the illness, all of that changed.  Now, I may not feel the symptoms right at this moment, but I will feel the effects later.  I know because I went through this last year.  However, I do not want to bring everyone down, on this joyous day for so many, so I will just say Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, may all of you who live with schizophrenia "survive" this holiday season, and remember, if you are feeling depressed, lonely, or overwhelmed this day or this season, just know that it will be okay.  If I can make it through this, you can too!