Back to business as usual???

Well, I hope you all had a nice holiday..... Overall my holiday was nice, however, I feel it is now "back to business" time...Meaning that it is back to doing what I normally do.  Because I am disabled by my mental illness,I have come to find that writing is a great coping mechanism and therapy for me.  I had a great night's sleep, for a change, and now I am just eager to get the house cleaned up and also eager to continue to disucss schizophrenia.  I received a few books over this season, concerning mental health and wellness and am eager to share what I learn from them.  On a sad note, I have had to cut back to two classes this semester, as I am trying to go to college, however, due to my illness, I have been unable to keep up with the demands and the social aspect of college.  I am 37, however, it is not my age slowing me down, it is my illness.  I have realized that my cognitive issues that surround schizophrenia have really hit me hard.  I am unable to have a "regular" job, due to multiple factors surrounding my illness.  Therefore, I have resorted to writing as part of my therapy, as it is an ongoing issue.  Coping.  This is a big part of my life.  I will, this coming year, be going into greater detail about therapies, coping skills and the like.  But for now, I am just focusing on the illness itself.  It is debilitating, for so many of us.  You see, people look at us on the outside, and say "you look fine to me" and things such as this, however, the truth is, on the inside we are not "fine" much of the time.  Socially, I have had many issues.  I am continuously at the psychiatrist's or in therapy, or with my community service provider, working through this illness.  Now, with the new laws that are being put into place, there is a chance I will lose my community support that I am so desparately in need of.  Of course, there are other options available, but what works for me, is being changed, so I am having to cope with that issue.  I am hopeful that everything will work out okay, because I have found that community support therapy helps me quite a bit.  Also, the disability services available at the local college help as well.  I will go into more details later on, however, I am just thankful that I am doing well with my medication and am able to continue to write.  I hope this will continue.  As the New Year approaches, I have decided not to make any resolutions, because I am already doing what I can.  Considering I have other associated disorders as well, it is best not to put undue pressure on myself with resolutions, etc.  Regardless of that, I am back to writing, and I am happy about that.  I will be talking about mood swings, emotional issues, cognitive issues and much more to come in the near future.  For all of those living with schizophrenia, as I am, just remember you are not alone. 

Christmas Day 2009..... Been up since 3:00a.m.

Hello.... It is Christmas morning, and the weather is not so cold today.  I know because I had to run out at 3:30a.m. to go to Walgreen's for a last minute gift...and last minute stress.  You see, I was not planning on having guests come over on this day.  I need to know that in advance, because it causes me anxiety. High Anxiety.  Regardless, one of my dad's friends is coming over for Christmas Dinner.  Yes, and I have to cook it.  O.K. So, now I definitely have to make things prepared right.  Not so easy when you have schizophrenia.  I say this because now I am in charge of making sure that everyone eats a proper dinner.  I was/am not prepared for this.  I know, it is only one extra person, right?  Well, it is still difficult to deal with.  Conversating, cooking, being sociable.... wow, a lot to deal with, for me, at least.  So, I have all the food for the dinner.  I have the gift for the guest.  I also have a total mess in my home, as we began to celebrate last night.  Wrapping paper, gifts, overwhelming.  My mother, is ill and cannot do what she used to.  My father is...well, he's not a cook, nor a cleaner.   Hence, I am "in charge".... This is going to be fun...So, I am doing the best I can to cope with the situation...I know Christmas is a wonderful day of family and friends, food, and great gifts. But, for a person with schizophrenia, like myself, it is overwhelming.  I have been coping well, though, considering my situation.  Thank goodness it is only one extra person.  I hope that things go well.  I will do my best to have things go correctly, but I need time for myself.  I am not very sociable face to face with people who tend to stress me.  I also was planning on not having to get all dressed up and socialize.  However, such is the situation.  So, I will handle it.  I know I can.  It is very sad, because before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I used to LOVE to make big dinners, have get togethers, but after the onset of the illness, all of that changed.  Now, I may not feel the symptoms right at this moment, but I will feel the effects later.  I know because I went through this last year.  However, I do not want to bring everyone down, on this joyous day for so many, so I will just say Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, may all of you who live with schizophrenia "survive" this holiday season, and remember, if you are feeling depressed, lonely, or overwhelmed this day or this season, just know that it will be okay.  If I can make it through this, you can too!

Dec.24th... Christmas Eve.... Symptom Flare-ups abound!

Greetings all, and Happy Holidays to all of those who are celebrating..... Well, it is the day before Christmas... Last minute shopping, dinner preparations, family visits....it can be hectic.  At this time of the year, I tend to have symptom flare-ups.  My anxiety abounds and I have been stressed over preparations for the family.  I have also had some relationship issues, which added to my anxiety levels...You know, family stuff.  Often times, family members and others do not understand what life is like having Paranoid Schizophrenia, or other mental disorders for that matter, and do not realize the internal stress and anxiety that appears in those afflicted with these illnesses.  This can cause great stress, especially around the holiday season, because often times, our emotions are not on the same level as those who are family or friends, who are not afflicted with this illness or others.  That is when I hear the "just be happy", "smile a little bit", and there is a tendency for family to get annoyed that I don't seem happy and jovial.  One of the symptoms if schizophrenia is blunting of emotions, so though we may really feel happy about something, we do not necessarily show it, or express it, and sometimes we don't feel those emotions.  This is difficult to deal with.  As a person with schizophrenia, I can tell you that this causes great distress for me, and also, old memories seem to resurface, making it even more complicated.  That is why I keep it simple.  I do not attend holiday parties, nor do I have masses of people over for the holidays.  It is too much for me.  I need to have consistency, order, and a routine.  anything that breaks this routine makes it difficult for me to process, and I am often misunderstood.  I am sure other schizophrenic's can relate to this.  With all of that being said, I am hopeful for a calm, stress-free holiday season.  I am making sure I contiinue using my coping skills, and always have my councelor's number handy incase I have a stressful situation.  Also, I have made sure that my family understands, or at least is aware, that I have soome issues during this time.  I am looking upward, of course, not focusing on the negative's, not focusing on the stress, and managing my anxiety.  I wish everyone a happy holiday season. 

Wednesday, the day before Christmas Eve..... Hectic as Heck!

Hello all... Today is the day that everyone will be out shopping i am sure.  Yesterday, I experienced some symptoms that were almost unbearable.....Anxiety up the gazoo, and I was just stressed out.  I Had to go out for a last minute item, and was overwhelmed with the crowds.  I do not do well in crowds.  They stress me to say the least.  However, I ended up at Barnes and Noble Booksellers and found a new book on schizophrenia (I think I own them all now), however, it is called Diagnosis Schizophrenia, A Comprehensive Resource, by Rachel Miller and Susan E. Mason.   I perused the book, and I found it quite interesting because it discusses the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, not just the hallucinations, delusions, etc., all the symptoms that are experienced with schizophrenia, however, little is written on how to handle the negative symptoms: the lack of interest, apathy, and the like.  Also, ANXIETY.  I think this will be a great read, some personal accounts as well as how those people cope with these effects.  I am excited to read this new book.  I am endlessly searching for comprehensivebooks on schizophrnia and its effects, as well as literature on the brain  mechanisms and what happens to the brain when someone is afflicted with mental illness..... So, I suggest you go out and get this one.... Otherwise, just waiting patiently for the holiday to come and go, I am looking forward to being with my parents this holiday season, but am missing a few people, they know who they are!  Anyway, I am feeling rather good today, considering yesterday's overwhelming bout with anxiety, panic attacks, and overall stress.  I am convinced that the holidays do enhance symptoms, especially the negative ones, at least for me.  I also bought the book, Awaken The Giant Within, By Anthony Robbins (I just love Anthony Robbins), as I have the CD sets of his, but wanted it on paper...Greta motivational and inspirational way to motivate yourself and understand your emotions.  I recommend Lessons In Mastery as well.  Until tomorrow, take care everyone, and relax, don't rush, try not to stress, and just enjoy the holiday season, no matter what or how you celebrate them!

Yule was great yesterday..... However......

Well, today is Tuesday, the day after Yule (Winter Solstice) and I had a small celebration for the holiday.  It was nice, but not what I was hoping it would be.  Because of my paranoid schizophrenia, I suffer from soome cognitive isssues, as well as some other issues, as far as concentration and things like that (very similar to ADHD, of which I was previously diagnosed...now I wonder if it was early signs of my schizophrenia...) so I had a hard time with some of the rituals and things that I was doing.  However, next year will be better I am sure.  I am sure that there are many of you who have schizophrenia that suffer from some of these same symptoms, such as memory issues, lack of interest, lack of concentration at times, etc.  These are all "normal" symptoms and part and parcel of having schizophrenia.  I had a conversation with a very nice woman, who also has schizophrenia, paranoid type.  She and I talked about how we look through the blinds, lock the doors, and just the general stresses of having paranoia.  She was happy to not be alone in this feeling.  So am I, though I wish this illness on no one, it is nice to be able to share in the same feelings, understanding one another perfectly.
In  my day to day life, I come across many people living with schizophrenia.  Thatis because I make an effort to reach out to those living with mental illness.  It is rewarding.  I am happy that I am able to give people comfort as they cope with this diagnosis of schizophrenia.  Those of us who have had this illness for some time can understand that feeling when you first begin to live with the illness.  There is a great need to reach out to others for support, though many do not because of either fear, or they just are plain nervous to reach out.
Support is one of the most important aspects of the "recovery" process of living with schizophrenia, as it is a life-long illness.  For many, especially in the beginning, this is a real blow.  That is why it is so important to reach out or accept when someone is reaching out to you for support.  Living with the illness is not easy, for some it is nearly impossible, and yet for others it is not so bad.  There are many support groups available online, and also there are many around the world, depending on where you live. Some more populous places will have more support groups, but it is up to us to seek them out. NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has support(peer to peer) groups, in just about every area of the United States.  Check their website, http://www.nami.org/, for your local state, city, and chapter.  There are also other groups available as well, you just have to do a little research.  This may be difficult if you are experiencing symptoms that are very prevalent, so ask someone close to you for assistance.
It is vital to have the support of your family, should you have the luxury of having a family, and it is also vital that they are educated about schizophrenia.  I hope everyone reading this has at least one family member who is of great support. 
I also want to extend out my hand to those who are in need of support...please contact me if you need support, want to talk, or have any questions regarding schizophrenia.  Please contact ebohn72@yahoo.com if you have any questions or comments.  Also, please visit me on Facebook, and join the groups: Schizophrenia Online Connection and Listen To Me!.... Thank you for your continued support, and please keep reading!!!

Well, it is the Monday before Christmas, and it is also Yule....

Greetings everyone. Today is Monday, that hectic day, and even more hectic as the holidays approach us.  It is Yule, that wonderous holiday that I celebrate, the Winter Solstice.  The celebration of the rebirth of the Sun, the longest night of the year, Introspection, and Planning for the future.... I am Wiccan so this is a big day for me.  I read in my horoscope that my optimism will return today, so I am happy to note that it is correct.  I am having a great morning, low anxiety, and high hopes for the new year.  All of this aside, I want to touch on something.  As a Paranoid schizophrenic, the holidays can be a time of great stress, especially in my case, as I have had a=some horrible times in mental hospitals, around the holiday season.  I also was in psychosis one year, and that was a devistating experience for my family, who tried to get me involved in their festivities, however, I was too far gone.  I have come to respect my schizophrenia, yes, respect it.  It is something that is quite difficult to live with, and memories can also trigger symptoms and bring on that oh so wonderful depression.  I am happy to announce this season I so far have had little trouble with memories of past issues, though they do creep up on me from time to time.  Thank goodness for Geodon, the medication I take for my schizophrenia.  Also, thank goodness for other meds, but most of all, thank goodness for learning positive coping skills.  Without that, I would be in constant fear and agony.  I would like to take this time to recommend some book I have found of great value to me, some are schizophrenia specific, some are just about the brain, how to use cognitive therapy, and the like.  So, Blessed Be all, Happy Yule to all of my fellow Yule friends around the world, and Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates. I did not include, but did not forget Kwaanza, the Athiests, and all others.  I wish EVERYONE around the world a happy Winter Season.  Here are the books:
**Cognitive Therapy and The Emotional Disorders, by Aaron T. Beck
**The Anxiety Book, Developing strength in the Face of Fear, by Jonathan Davidson, M.D. (very good)
**Brain Rules, by John Medina
**Schizophrenia For Dummies (I know I know, I don't usually read these books, but there is some quite useful information within its pages)
**Surviving Schizophrenia, A Manual for Families, Patients, and Providers, by E. Fuller Torrey, M.D.
**New Developments in the Biology of Mental Disorders, by The Research & Education Association
**The Center Cannot Hold, by Elyn R Saks ( a personal account)
**Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman, M.D. ( this one is about general trauma from domestic violence to polkitical terror)
       This is a very, very small compilation of books to begin with, there are many more.  I have also realized that there is a great deal of insight in the DSM IV, the Diagnostic Manual that doctors use to diagnose patients, however, it is quite pricey ( between $95.00-over one hunderd dollars) , but is worth having on the shelf.
Until tomorrow, Erica

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....Yes, it's Sunday

  Hello all.. It is a freezing cold Sunday morning here in the Carolinas.  My paranoia is not at a high level this morning, which is a GOOD thing.  I came across a good question this morning.... How do you handle paranoia?  Well, there are many ways to try to get a grasp on paranoia.  First of all, paranoia is a very stressful emotion and feeling.  It is no fun being paranoid. Those of you who struggle with paranoia can relate, I am sure.   Constant worry about someone or something being "out to get you", wondering "who is that driving by", "why is everyone staring at me"..... all of these things swirling around in your brain.  There are also physical symptoms that happen, rapid heartbeat, tremors, sweating, and more.  When this happens, we think to ourselves, "how can I handle this?  why won't this feeling go away?" or, if you are having extreme paranoia, thoughts are more like "the phone is tapped", "the FBI is watching me", " I know that everyone is after me"......How stressful!  It can be crippling.  Some of us will not leave our homes, answer the phone, even avoid family and friends.  Alll because of paranoia.  Some of the best ways to handle paranoia, aside from medication, is to step outside your home, answer the phone, use positive self talk.  Ask yourself, " why would everyone be staring at ME?"....there is no reason, because everyone is not staring at you.  Analyzing rationally your thoughts can help you go a long way.  This is all easier than it sounds, believe me.  When I was in psychosis, there was no way to convince me that people were not after me, staring at me, the announcers on the radio were talking directly to me, even the television.... the newscasters were talking to me, about me.... I was Paranoid.  But, it was so real.  NO, this was really happening, I would say to myself.... Oh my god, please stop talking about me..... Have you ever felt or feel this way?  It is very stressful.  It is scary.  It consumes your thoughts, and it diminishes your trust in everyone and everything.  Time to seek help.... Well, it took a long time, a lot of therapy, and a lot of support and of course, medication.  Several hospitalizations were also required to get me to realize all of this was my Paranoid Schizophrenia.  I have been living with this for several years now, and thankfully, at this point, do not have those really paranoid thoughts anymore.  Sure, sometimes I feel that people are staring at me, or talking about me, but I am able now to just brush it off, most of the time.  Besides, what is so exciting about me that they would be talking about?  They don't know I am schizophrenic.  They don't even know me.  And yes, people do look at one another, it is natural.  Otherwise, everyone would be looking at the ground all the time.  So, if you are also experiencing or have experienced Paranoia, you can understand what I am saying here.  Just remember, tell yourself,  I knowI have an illness, I know I am paranoid, and I know that this is just part of my illness.  I am safe, I am secure, I am okay. 

Schizophrenia Facts.....and personal comments

Good day all... It is Saturday, a cold, rainy Saturday.  Perfect day for writing.  I wanted to post some Schizophrenia facts today, and of course add my personal comments about my life with the illness.  Before I get to that, I would like to say that I have been having an amazing experience meeting new people on my Facebook group, Schizophrenia Online Connection.  I am thankful to have met such wonderful and understanding people. 
Okay, with that said, here are some facts that I think we all need to be aware of...
1. Many people living with Schizophrenia have a small loss of IQ.  The approximation is 8-10 points.
2. Approximately 68% of people living with schizophrenia drive vehicles.
3. If both mother and father have schizophrenia, there is a 36% chance that you will have the illness as well.
4. Schizophrenia is unbelievably neglected by mental health professionals.
5. "At least 40% of those living with schizophrenia are not receiving treatment at any given time" (SS)
6. Approximately 2.2% of the US population is living with schizophrenia.
This is just a tiny, tiny sample of facts on schizophrenia.  As a person living with paranoid schizophrenia, I have to say that it is just so complicated.  I have been having quite a bit of paranoia recently, and I have also been under some stress.  Lonliness is a BIG issue for me as well.  I find it very difficult many times to focus on things, and that is distressing to me, as before I was diagnosed with the illness, I was much more focused on things I was interested in.  The loss of interest that occurs with schizophrenia is also very difficult to deal with.  Through all of this, I am diligently working on coping skills to alleviate some of these symptoms.  It is not easy.  It takes consistent work and diligence, and I am hopeful that these symptoms will continue to dissipate.  Also, the holiday season seems to heighten depressive symptoms, which I am managing.  I do wish everyone a happy holiday season, and a wonderful new year. If you have any comments or questions, please let me know. Until tomorrrow-Erica

TGIF! Friday's are always a good thing...

Good day everyone... It is 3:44 a.m. on Friday.  I love Friday's.  No, I do not work anymore because of my Schizophrenia, but I still love Friday's.  No, I don't go out to party, I just love Friday's.  That means the weekend is here...there is something about the weekend that is comforting.  I am sure that many people feel this way.  I am working on multiple projects now, book writing, blogging, and working on my group for Schizophrenic's on Facebook.  It keeps me busy.  It also quells some of the paranoia.  Yes, I still get paranoid, quite easily at times.  Thank goodness for coping skills and medication.  I did not sleep very well last night, but that is not surprising.  I am also nursing a cold at the moment, which is highly annoying.  So, today I have decided to concentrate on my book writing and working with those who are also living with schizophrenia.  I concentrate on this every day, but today, I am dedicating the entire day to these projects.  My support group is growing, slowly, but is growing.  That's a good thing.  I know there are many of you out there that need support and guidance.  That is why I am here.  Little 'ol me.  Just trying to do my part to help fellow schizophrenics cope with day to day life.  This is no easy task, mind you.  It is quite rewarding though, and have made many good friends thus far.  I don't know how many of you suffer from cognitive issues because of schizophrenia.  I know that I do.  It is difficult to focus, stay on task, and as far as memory, well, the short term memory has some problems.  That is because of what schizophrenia does to the brain.  But, I try to work through this.  Maybe this is why college classes have become so difficult for me?  I am going to assume so.  I am just thankful I am able to take some college classes.  Considering my case history, this is quite a feat for me.  I really am thankful. 
Well, it is the last weekend to shop for Christmas if you celebrate this upcoming event.  This year should be a good year for me.  Past Christmas' have been...well... stressful.  I was in psychosis one year, and that was difficult.  I am glad that I am finally stable, after years of being up and down, between psychosis and hospitalizations.  I have my bad days, even weeks, but so far, no signs of psychosis.  Medication must be working well, and I am also using techniques that I have learned through therapy and other sources.  So, this year, I am looking forward to a nice, peaceful , relatively stress-free holiday.  Yule, which is the Winter Solstice, begins on the 21st.  I will be celebrating that, as I am Wiccan, in case you didn't already know that. 
Actually, I found my spiritual path, I believe, in part, due to my schizophrenia.  I will elaborate on this more later. 
I hope everyone has a good day, enjoy your Friday, enjoy life.  As always, I am always available if any of you need to talk... just send me an email, or if you are a Facebook user, link to the Facebook link below. Also, take some time to read my other blog, Mental Illness Awareness.  You will find information on all sorts of Mental Illnesses, and more.  Thanks for reading!  See you tomorrow....By the way, please bookmark this blog, and keep updated daily!  If you have any suggestions for me, please let me know.  I will be glad to incorporate them into this blog.  Until tomorrow friends!!!

Thursday: A Perfect Day to work on some research....I hope

Good day all... It is 4:57am, I woke up a little later than my usual 3ish, but am happy to have had the proverbial 8 hours sleep last night.  Thanks to Temazepam, a sleep aid that was prescribed to me by my psychiatrist.  It does seem to cause wicked headaches, and also some drowsiness, so folks that are on this medication, those are the symptoms I am experiencing most with this sleep aid.  Nonetheless, I slept.  Thank goodness.  Sleep deprivation is quite common among schizophrenics.  I have had trouble sleeping, my sleep pattern has been disrupted over the years, and I attibute much of it to my living with schizophrenia.  The weather outside is quite freezing, and I have no intention to go outside, other than to take my mother to get her blood drawn, which is not too far.  So, I will have to take a shower (UGH, as much as I like to be clean, the shower really annoys me) and get ready for this arctic blast of cold outside.  I should do well taking her there, as I have done before.  As many of you may or may not know, I have a Social Phobia when it comes to going outside, (except when I am shopping) and being around others, but I am working on that with my therapist.  I am able to drive, and also able to do many things that some schizophrenics cannot do.  I manage what I have to.  I force myself to take at least one class at the local college, just to stay familiar with the world outside.  I also love going to the local Barnes and Noble, and can look at books for hours.  Otherwise, I take a few classes online, and with diligence and the assistance of medication and therapy, I am able to concentrate on my studies.  I have found it to be quite a difficult task, you see, some of the cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia mimic those of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), a disorder I was diagnosed with many years ago.  I do take medication for that as well, which, oddly enough, assists in some of the symptoms of my paranoid schizophrenia.  I already am experiencing anxiety about going out today.  This is the hard part, the anticipation.  On the other hand, surprises cause me to go into a tailspin.  I have and need a regular, calm schedule to function at my best.  The anxiety I experience is highly stressful, and I am learning to cope, not only with medication, but with positive self-talk, working through the anxiety by analyzation of its causation, and of course by being prepared.  So I will shower as soon as I am finished with today's blog.  Then I will be dressed and ready, easing the anxiety.  I have switched to decaffeinated coffee, as I have found this ramps up anxiety levels when using regular coffee.  It is not so easy, as I have been a coffee drinker for a long, long time.  But, it will be something I will get used to.  Another issue is smoking.  I read in a study (several, actually) that 90-95% of people with schizophrenia smoke.   It has something to do with the chemicals in the brain.  I will elaborate on this at another time. My intention for the day is to continue to do some research on...you guessed it mental illness.  I also intend to write some more of my book as well, which is about schizophrenia.  Symptoms manageable today, so far, so good.  I want anyone reading this that has schizophrenia, knows someone who does, or wants to know more about schizophrenia, to feel free to contact me via email, or post something here or my other site, listed above.  It is my dream and intention to help those afflicted with mental illness.  I am working towrds that dream.  Incase I forget, I wish everyone a happy holiday season.  This time of year can be quite stressful for me, and for many others afflicted with mental illness as well.  My advice is to just take things day by day, have a schedule of your daily activities or events, if any, and make sure you address any concerns with your psychiatrist or therapist or case manager.  Until tomorrow, Erica:))

Today is Wednesday, and I am hoping it will be a great day....

Good Morning everyone. Well, it is 4:27am here on the east coast of the Carolinas.  I am up and awake as usual.  See, my Schizophrenia has caused my sleep patterns to change, no longer am I this late nighter... I go to bed fairly (actually really) early, and wake up just as early, but much of the time, I do get my full 8 hours of rest.  I do wake up several times in the night, often wanting a cigarette, but generally I am at my best in the morning...these weee hours of the morning... I love to wake up around three a.m. and start my day, while it is quiet in the house and also outside.  I realize I missed blogging yesterday, sorry folks, had some issues.  Issues?  Yes, issues.  Not symptom specific issues, just, well, okay, I HAD to go shopping at the mall..... That is something I am trying very hard to control...my spending habits.  I am on a fixed income, so it is hard to spend, spend, spend.  But, it is the holidays, and I decided to get some gifts (and of course, a few items for myself ;).... Anyway, In people with mental illnesses such as Schizophrenia and especially BiPolar disorder, spending money can be a BIG issue.  I have always had the tendency to overspend, but never knew why... now I do.  I mean, how many pairs of shoes do I really need?  I have bins and bins full of shoes...also purses... I am a collector..haha.  Do I wear all of these shoes and purses? Hardly, but I HAVE to have them.  I am also a thrift store "junkie".  You can find some great deals on great, barely if at all used items at rock bottom prices.  They know me there well.  But I digress... Today, I wanted to say a little something about schizophrenia...yes, schizophrenia.  That's why you're reading this, right?  I hope so anyway, however, I want to touch on an aspect of schizophrenia that many do not understand.  Lonliness.  The need to fill a void.  This IS an issue for schizophrenics, I know, because, well, I am schizophrenic. Paranoid type.  I guess that is why i brought up the shopping issue, as while I was shopping, I was exhilirated, I felt wonderful, excited, happy.  But, was I really happy or just filling a void.   I mean, I have more shoes that I know what to do with, clothes up the gazoo, and a purse for every day of the year practically.  Then, why don't I use them?  Well, I don't know.  It is the sense of fulfillment I receive from attaining these inanimate objects.  I get excited over great deals, I don't care if I have 20 pairs just like it, I NEED these too.... Yes, the social phobia seems to dissipate when I am shopping, when I can spend money. This baffles me, I am still working on figuring this one out.  Back to lonliness.  So, many of us living with schizophrenia are lonely.  Whether we live with one hundred people or no one, we are lonely.  It is a lonliness on the inside.  A feeling that no one understands us.  Also, there is the social-phobia issue.  So many things, issues, surrounding schizophrenia.  I mean, as a rule, I do not have many friends....not that I am not friendly or non-approachable... I am.  I just have this feeling inside that keeps me at an arms distance from building friendships.... Online, not a problem.  I have many friends, many who are afflicted with the same illness I have, and it is easy to communicate.  I do have a lot to offer, though most people will not ever get to know that. I do suffer from social anxiety,  though it has been improving.  I will touch more on this topic of lonliness later on, as it is an issue. Amongst others.  Many others.  So, I hope you keep reading, as I will keep writing.  By the way, did I tell you i am writing a book about Schizophrenia?  Yes, I am writing a book. Not to make money, but to help people, and all the proceeds are going to charity.  I will disclose more as the book comes along.  I hope everyone has a great day, and I am always available if anyone needs to talk about their bout with schizophrenia, or just needs someone to talk to.  Talk again later- Stay Tuned as they say....... Erica

Okay, so I have been busy writing and talking to others with Schizophrenia

Okay, so today I have been writing on my other blog listed above, and have beenm having an overall good day.  I know that I have had a few symptom flare-ups today, due to stress...I am working very hard to figure out how to reach all of the people who need assistance emotionally and otherwise with Schizophrenia.  I have been racking my brain, and I am slightly impatient when it comes to things getting done, so if any of you have ideas on how to spread the word about this blog, the other blog, or my Facebook Group-Schizophrenia Online Connection...let me know.  I would love to be able to have a community that really shares and cares, and I am working diligently on this... Yes, even with symptom issues, though I am thankfully not having any serious ones.  It is mostly cognitive issues I am finding, but I know many of you have other symptoms, such as hallucinations and delusions, etc., and I want you to know I am here to help.  If you need to talk about Schizophrenia, please leave a comment, contact me on facebook, or drop an email to me.  Thank you and I will talk to you all tomorrow!

What a great day today...

What a great day today.  I had so much sleep Sunday, due to lack of sleep Saturday, I slept basically from 8am Sunday until 2om, then from 5pm until 4:30 am this Monday morning!  I feel so much  better, symptoms subsided at the moent, and I am just feeling great!  I am excited about these new blogs and am hopeful that there will be many who foolow along on this journey through schizophrenia with me.  Today's outlook is promising, I am hoping to get more work done on my book, as well as my online comnmunity on Facebook (link on the bottom of this page). More to follow later...:))

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Today I am tried as heck.....

Hello all who are following. Today I am so very tired, I had another sleepless night, thanks to good old schizophrenia.  I have sleeping medication, however, I am trying to avoid taking them due to the severity of the headaches the meds bring on.  I have had some sleep, about an hour, so not completely sleepless, just mostly :).  I am experiencing a few symptoms, cognitive mostly, thought processing and the like.  I also am having some paranoia currently, which is of no particular origin, just general paranoia.  The lack of sleep can really have effects on the illness, so those of you who are reading this who live with or know someone with schizophrenia, get your sleep!!!  I am 37 years old, and I live with Paranoid Schizophrenia.  I have been hospitalized several times, which was not any fun at all.  It took quite some time to get the right medicines to work for me, I must say, however, overall my progress has been very good.  I have decided that I will share my life with schizophrenia with all of you because there are millions of people who are affected by this disease and may be looking for a good place to get information , as well as foolow the life of a schizophrenic.  I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed of the fact that I am disabled by this illness, I feel empowered by it because it has given me the opportunity to reach out and share (and help) others who are suffering and living with the disease.  I know that I am forever changed because of my schizophrenia, and I am okay now with that.  It is a daily, and I mean daily struggle for me, but I do the bestthat I can every day to be the best I can be.  Due to the limitations schizophrenia causes, I am no longer able to work and I am also dependent on my medication to help subdue the symptoms, though there is always something that goes on that affects my daily living.  I need a routine, settled life, with little stress to cope with my disorder.  I have supportive parents, however, they have their own health issues and do not really understand what schizophrenia is all about.  So, I have had to do a lot of research on my own, and happily so, as my dream is to be in the mental health field professionally, however, I am aware that I may not be able to do so for a myriad of reasons.  Yet, I still persevere.  I cannot tell you enough how strenuous this life can be, it has changed me completely.  I am the same person, of course, however, the disease has changed me in many ways.  I have memory deficits, memory storage issues, panic attacks, paranoia, and also have anxiety at a very high level.  Thank goodness there are medications that help me through this, as this illness is bigger than anything I have ever understood.  I do also know that it is an illness that people are afraid of, weary of, and tense over when they hear about it or find out they have it.  Having schizophrenia does not mean that people should stay away from us, it is just that there is a better understanding needed of the actual illness and its effects on the schizophrenic and those that surround him/her.  It is often disabling, and left untreated, which is quite commonplace unfortunately, its damage is devastating.  So, I am going to do my best here to help those who need help in understanding, those who need companionship in this, and those who genuinely want to know about schizophrenia.  Since I am no computer wizard, nor am I a walking encyclopedia, I use multiple resources to compile my information, as well as my own personal account of living with the disease, and I relay this information to you.  I hope that this blog (and you know I do not particularly like the word blog, it is more than that, it is a...well, I will think of  the word soon...memory issues :) ), will help you all understand schizophrenia and life with schizophrenia.  Thank you for reading The Schizophrenia Daily, it is an important work for me and I hope it becomes part of your daily routine as well..... With genuine sincerity, Erica